Aside from my father and brother, there are really only two men who have had any significant impact on
who I am. Naturally, one of these is my husband, the other is my first love; let's call him Matt.
Matt and I first met in the summer of 1995 at a surprise party my friends had thrown for me. I'd escaped to a quiet room in an attempt to hide from all the loved up couples. (I was single and worse still the guy I had a crush on was publicly pursuing one of my friends).
As I recall I was quite upset when Matt came into the room; rejection's pretty tough at the best of times but on your seventeenth birthday it feels like the end of the world!
Luckily Matt was a great listener. He didn't really know anyone at the party having tagged along with his friend who knew one of the other girls. So, we slipped out the back and fled in his car, where we talked and listened to music for hours.
One of the bands we listened to, who I hadn't heard of until that night, was Pulp.
Matt and I quickly became inseperable. He was kind and gentle and so handsome - for the first time in my life I knew what it felt like to be envied - but above all else, he was mine!
This truly was a fairytale romance, but in typical teenage style I had no idea how lucky I was. Matt was my first 'serious' boyfriend and I was terrified of being dumped. I really couldn't understand what someone like him could possibly see in me so I had to get in there first and rather unceremoniously dropped him from.a great height.
I'm not proud of my actions, I know I hurt Matt unnecessarily. Now whenever I hear Pulp it brings back a cavalcade of emotions as I recall the first time I both loved someone and then lost them.
While we were together Matt made me a mix tape which included Pulp's Common People to this day this remains one of my most cherished posessions.